Darlings: Have you ever experienced a problem, a quandary, and thought, “I wish I had a long-deceased French monarch to share her guidance and hard-won wisdom.” Finding no such match, were you forced to turn to Emily Post, Dear Abby or even Tyra Banks? I’m here to tell you these dark days are over. Marie Antoinette is here for you. She has made many, many mistakes. She is more experienced than your mother, sister or gay best friend. Let her be your guide, your teacher, your emotional sherpa. She will help you with any problem, from backstabbing coworkers, to uninspired paramours to slow-moving pedestrians. Just send an email with your burning question (extra points for letters written in a faux old-timey style) and on Sundays, Marie will set you straight. Write to her at whatwouldmarieantoinettedo at gmail.com.