Ask the queen: When an old flame returns

Every Sunday Marie Antoinette, the former queen of France, gives love and relationship advice in this space. Your queen is backlogged due to an extended holiday vacation and will publish a double feature of sorts this weekend, one letter on Saturday and another on Sunday. To have your letter answered next week, on Sunday, write whatwouldmarieantoinettedo at gmail dot com.

My dear Queen:

I don´t know if you remember me, but not so long ago I wrote to you and you were kind enough to answer me.
https://whatwouldmarieantoinettedo.wordpress.com/2010/08/01/a-reader-asks-marie-why-is-he-flirting-with-my-best-friend/

After your advice I decided to forget that boy and to keep my distance with the Musicals boy and “my best friend” [a former friend who flirted with him]. Thanks to this, a new romantic interest arrived. The Gentleman is so different from the musicals boy, he is kind, romantic, sensible and he ignores my flirty “best friend.” But I have a problem. As I became interested with Mr. Gentleman, the Musicals boy has been trying to get closer to me, forgetting “my best friend.” I feel really uncomfortable and have tried to tell him politely that I am not interested but he insists. I do not want to be mean because we have many friends in common, so we constantly see each other. He has asked me when will we see each other with the excuse that he would like to talk with me about a common interest we have, he is getting pretty persistent and I am not good at saying no, but I don´t want to go out with him if it is not with our friends in common. Can you please help me again?

Best regards,
Former Miss Heart Broken

My darling girl,

Of course I remember you, and I’m thrilled that you’ve found The Gentleman, a man fellow who seems deserving of a young lady’s good worth. I’m also happy to hear your former best friend has earned her cold due after gambling a friendship for a man of no account.

Before you go astray, I suggest you look at your every action as if your life were one of those musicals you love so dearly.

What do you think when the old flame returns? Probably that the embers aren’t yet cold.

What do you think when the female lead  lingers too long around that old flame? Likely, that she’s found a fire she might be stoking.

What do you think when the cad mishandles his love and tries to win her back after she’s smitten with another? That he loves the chase and not the girl.

Keep these things in mind. It does, after all, take three to make a love triangle.

It is possible that your Musicals boy has realized his terrible mistake in mistreating you, that he misses your friendship and has no other intentions. If you honestly believe this, then take him up on his offer to meet and talk. If the conversation turns you can always be honest and tell him you must leave out of respect for The Gentleman, and can only talk again when your group has gathered together. If his intentions are true, he will respect this.

That’s all possible, but of course not bloody likely. What is more likely, given his history, is that he is a horrible cad who loves a woman most when she is happy with someone else. He brings theatrics of the worst kind. If you think this is the case, there is no harm in making him incredibly jealous. While with your friends, make sure everyone knows how kind The Gentleman is, how thoughtful. Tell everyone how lucky and happy you are, finally. If you’re feeling spunky, pinch Musicals Boy on the arm and say, “I sure hope you find someone nice again someday.” That and polite distance should send a proper message to Musicals Boy. In the meantime, you can content yourself with the fact that you did find someone nice, and that person is The Gentleman.

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6 thoughts on “Ask the queen: When an old flame returns

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