H&M’s Marie Antoinette Halloween Costume for Kids

Darlings, It’s almost Halloween. The one day a year where one can fully honor me without reprisal from social conventions.

H&M has an adorable option for children — all benefitting Unicef. Take a look for a good cause.

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How have your costume plans been coming? What will you dress up as this year? (And it’s alright if it’s not me:)

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The Marie Antoinette Cake That Took 6 Months To Make

Darlings, you have to lay eyes on this major confection created by a British mother for the country’s Cake International competition. The cake took more than 200 hours to complete and features sugar eyelashes, something I wish I had back in the day.  To read more about this amazing feat, check out the story in the Daily Mail. But in the meantime, feast your eyes — FEAST!!

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Martin Rose/Eastnews.co.uk Date: April 26 2013 Location: Roxwell, Essex. LET THEM EAT CAKE: Cake maker, Amanda Macleod has made an award winning cake version of Mary Antionette!

Martin Rose/Eastnews.co.uk
Date: April 26 2013
Location: Roxwell, Essex.
LET THEM EAT CAKE: Cake maker, Amanda Macleod has made an award winning cake version of Mary Antionette!

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Marie Antoinette’s Last Day

Marie Antoinette was taken to the scaffold today in 1793.

She heard her sentence at 4 a.m. when the jurors filed into the hall. She was exhausted from a two-day trial accusing her of everything from espionage to incest. She was weak from  uterine bleeding, little food and lack of sleep. She heard the verdict and showed no reaction. She was likely relieved. She was so tired, she tripped walking down a dark stairwell outside the courtroom. A gendarmerie offered her his arm. He was later arrested.

She returned to her cell to write to her sister-in-law Elisabeth and her children. At 5 a.m. she was still writing this letter when the drums began to beat. Loaded canons were placed on bridges, soldiers with bayonets took to the streets. Marie Antoinette would be taken to the scaffold.

At 7 a.m. Marie was urged to drink a little soup a prison girl had saved for her. She dressed for the scaffold and asked the guard on duty to turn away so she could change the undergarments that had soiled with her constant bleeding. He refused.

At 8 a.m. a juror priest came to hear her confession. Juror priests were those who had taken an oath to the new republic. Marie, whose religion had become increasingly important to her as she grew older, declined her confession.

At 10 a.m., Sanson, the executioner, came to cut her hair for the guillotine. She made no protest.

At 11 a.m. an open cart arrived to ferret away the former queen. This was a deliberate humiliation. Louis XIV had driven to the scaffold in state, in a closed court chariot.

Suddenly she was overtaken by the overwhelming need to relieve herself. Maybe she was sick or scared. Maybe she preferred to deny the crowd the delight of seeing her soiling herself in public. Her request for a privacy was refused. She was forced to attend to her needs in the open, on the street.

The crowd yelled and cat-called to her on her the long ride to square. She sat unmoved on her wooden seat, her mouth closed, her arms still and tied behind her back. Artist Louis David drew a rough sketch of her, a common hag sitting tall with the characteristic pride so often confused as arrogance.

Sanson helped her to the stage as she inadvertently said her last words. She stepped on his foot by accident. She said, “I didn’t mean to do it.”

Before the blade fell, she didn’t scream or beg. Her counterparts had, but she didn’t. She didn’t cry either. She just cooperated in the way the strong do when they are too weak to do anything else. The way the courageous and the damned methodically move towards last resorts.

The blade fell at 12:15 p.m. The cut was clean,  the crowd cheered. A man rushed the scaffold to soak his handkerchief in Marie Antoinette’s blood. Her body was removed to a cemetery that held the bodies of the guards who’d died trying to protect her at the palace and the common people crushed to death during her marriage festivals years ago. The bill for her internment came to 15 livres, 35 sous.

Note: The above post was previously published on this blog. 

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Advice: When Your Mother Shouldn’t Be Borrowing Your Car

Each week, the famed Marie Antoinette of France solves the mere mortals’ problems. Got your own quandary? Let the queen know at whatwouldmarieantoinettedo@gmail.com.

My Queen, 

My mother needs to borrow my car. The problem is it’s her fault her car is in the shop to begin with. She speeds and late one night she was checking her cell phone and didn’t see that a line of construction cones had appeared to close off her lane. I love my mom but I also like my car. What do I do? 

Slow Lane

Darling Slow Lane,

ImageIn my day, I loved to gamble but yearned for bigger thrills. French queens customarily hosted card games, such as lotto and cavagnole, but their small stakes bored me half to death. I was more interested in the high stakes of Lansquenet and faro which were banned for princes of royal blood (after all, who wouldn’t want to play a game that’s been banned?). Louis, my husband, granted permission for me to play these games and I played for high stakes. One session of faro lasted 36 hours. When I lost, as I inevitably did, I didn’t stop or rethink my gambling. I’d ask the king for more money to gamble more. He’d oblige, happy to please his wife. While my losses her modest, the losses to my fellow players were huge and contributed to the reputation that I was a terrible spendthrift. Money in these games had no value outside of the thrill it could provide.

Your mother is a terrible driver. Don’t lend her your car. But there’s no reason to tell her what she’d been told by many before her to no effect. Instead, offer to give her a ride and pretend you’re pampering her. But seriously, never give her those keys. 

What do you think? Did the Queen get it right? Give us your thoughts in the comments. 

 
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Ultimate Marie Antoinette Party: Madonna’s Parisian Birthday

I didn’t bury the lede. Madonna, the Queen of Pop, recently gave tribute to me once again on her 55th birthday. She wore her hair in the style I’d made famous, drank much Champagne and apparently wore no pants. Bravo Madame Madge!

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Marie Antoinette makes her rap debut

Darlings, did you know I made my rap debut? There’s apparently a young lady who is named after a children’s snack cake: Lil Debbie. She enjoys the domestic arts (love!) and uses this tiny movie to say “I baked a cake” over and over. I mention this not to give fuel to that awful rumor that I told poor sufferings to eat cake if they’d run out of bread. That’s old news. I mention this because yours truly is singing along along with some other paintings who seem unrelated entirely to cake or the me in general.

It seems though that I’ve gone about this all backwards. I haven’t even got a rap name. A scandal, amirite? Please tell me what my rap name should be in the comments. I beg you.

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A Marie Antoinette Costume in 15 minutes

Usually the former queen of France uses her Sundays to dole out advice on love and life. It being nearly Halloween, she’s decided to help you prepare to dress in her likeness, and has a gameplan to help you do so properly and quickly. As you put together your costumes, send photo she can post here to inspire your fellow readers. Email photos or questions to her at whatwouldmarieantoinettedo@gmail.com.

I. Hair/Makeup/Accessories: Truly, if these look right, you can wear nearly any ol’ thing and look like me. So concentrate on these first. Image

Hair: Sure, you can buy a wig, but if you’ve got the longer locks, try to go the full Marie with your own natural hair. At the very least, twist your hair into an updo and dust it all with baby powder. Whichever you choose, make a note of your friends’ reactions. The smart ones will recognize me right away. The slower ones will ask if you’ve dressed as Amy Winehouse. Or worse, Snooki.

An essential how-to:

Some much-needed inspiration.

Makeup: You’ll need to put your best face forward. Of course, I only used a hint of rouge in my day and even that was scandalous. For fun, you can go for drama with a fake mole, red lips and a pale, pale foundation.

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For more a step-by-step, check out this great YouTube How-To.

Accessories: Surely, a modern girl like you has a ribbon she can tie around her neck or some some long fake pearls she can add for a sense of drama.  Other great adds are flowers, masquerade masks, feathers and even birds for your hair.

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Or better yet, try a strip of lace over the eyes for a sense mischief. Watch this video to see what I mean.

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II. Dress:

If you have more than 15-minutes, we can worry about your clothes. Of course, you can buy a “Sexy Marie Antoinette” costume from Party City. But that’s not why you’re here, are you? Here’s a plan for nearly any girl’s closet.

1. Spring for a crinoline skirt. American Apparel makes a nice one you can wear all year ’round.

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Or maybe you have something, anything, made from tulle (an old ballet costume? Check the thrift shops.) If you are looking for an excuse to drop some coin, Anthropologie seems to always carry something tulle. Here’s the most recent offering.

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That said, I could see this $29 number from H&M with a concert T and ripped fishnets looking pretty boss.

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2. You can and should rummage through your underwear drawer. Look for a silky chemise or a slip for a delicate top:
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3. Got a corset? Pair it with anything, from your favorite skirt to a classic pair of jeans.

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4. If you don’t feel like wearing your underwear as outerwear, scour your closet for your prettiest pastel or floral. With your hair and accessories done right, even a modern sundress can make you look like a modern Marie.

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5. Got one of those lace tops everyone was wearing over the summer? Wear it with everything awesome that you own. Picture this outfit with tricked out Marie-ified hair, for a very updated Queen of Everything look. 

Marie Look 4

Shoes:
Lace up booties look great…

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But so do classic mules with buckles. (These are apparently on sale right now on Ebay.)

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That should get you started. I’ll post some more inspiration below. Tell me your ideas or questions in the comments and I’ll try to help you with your costume.

Marie Antoinette Costume Inspiration
Marie Party Dress Code: Sexy Courtier
Real-World Marie Antoinette Costumes
More Marie Costumes: Still Time to Send Me Yours
Best for Last: Halloween Maries

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